Title:A Familiar Pattern
Author:Bridget...CrazyGurlBB Category: M&M, future fic Rating: adult Disclaimer: If I owned anything, you can bet I wouldn't be sitting in front of my computer just writing fics. Summary: Michael and Maria have hit another rocky road in their relationship. What happens when their emotions get the best of them? Will they take the familiar path of ignoring their problems or deal with it straight and look toward the future? Author's Note: This is a future fic, everything that happened in the three seasons of Roswell happened.
She could see the grey clouds begin to swarm over their heads, arranging for a storm. The darkness was sweeping over and seeping into her life. For there had been another fight, another harsh word shot back at her, another sad look on his tough face, and another tear had escaped her clear eyes.
She knew dealing with Michael was just another storm brewing in the distance, awaiting attack, and now she was cursing herself.
It wasn’t the first, and certainly not the last, and ever since…she couldn’t seem to hold on. She was use to fights, especially with Michael, but everything had changed, they had changed. They weren’t the same kids in high school just debating whether to stay in or go out on a Friday night. No, they were adults now, dealing with the real world.
Pain was crippling her, perhaps her once Teflon heart broke, there had to be a lose rope somewhere, a broken will, an unopened door, waiting to be unleashed on the world. Naturally they found it, and naturally he was no where to be seen, again. Why wasn’t she surprised when she heard the front door slam in their apartment, and why didn’t she run after him. There were too many unanswered questions.
What was it now? Just the fifth fight this month? A total of twenty-one in the past year; it’d already been a year, a year from when her heart shattered into a million pieces to lay simply fallen on the floor, people just stepping over them, not caring to fix the damage. Everyone had a breaking point, Maria had hers.
Not like Michael looked any better. The minute her eyes closed she could still picture that moment, the defining moment where they’re innocence was lost, the fears ringing true in their ears, and to see his face, causing her to not hear anything but the harsh beating of her own heart.
The hidden tears, he was good at that. They never slipped down his cheek; no they lay inside, boiling at the edge, tempting fate. That broken look on his face as he gripped her small hand in his larger one. He had the tendency to be strong, a stonewall but there had been those few moments he’d break, and let her see, let her close enough to comfort him. This time, she couldn’t shake his closed off look, the way his voice was weak.
Michael was many things, but weak wasn’t one she could grasp at. Of anyone, he didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve another disappointment, another rock in the road, and he deserved his dreams, not to have them ripped from his grasps in vain.
That was why she pushed him, fighting him every step of the way. She wasn’t giving up; she wasn’t going to let him give up on those dreams, give up on them, on her. But Michael Gurein had a thing or two to say, for he never could still idly and not say anything. So he fought her back, and hard.
It’d been a fluke, an accident.
Max and Liz had found a small town in the middle of the country to live in, quaint and a remainder of home. While Kyle and Isabel found themselves located in every big city they could find, the sky was the limit for the new in love pair. Her and Michael, North Dakota; a massive desert lay before them and a night sky above them. They were close to Canada in case anything went wrong.
They hadn’t even had time to inform the rest of their news. Somehow she couldn’t let her mind let go of the way he looked when she told him, his lopsided grin. It was meant to be a happy moment, full of love and joy. It was—it was everything it was meant to be. Then the fluke happened.
Anyone, the doctor had kept repeating like it would make the situation any better, that sometimes Mother Nature has an opinion and voices it. He had been solemn the whole time the doctor talked, asking if she’d be alright. For Maria, she could see his worry for her, but all she could feel was anger. If it could happen to anyone, why her, for no matter how much the doctor told her she did absolutely nothing wrong. Why couldn’t she shake the guilt, the emptiness?
She’d be the first to admit their faults. Michael shut her out, shut down completely, while she busied her mind elsewhere, anywhere but the pain surrounding her heart. They refused to face the facts, to deal, until she had enough, because seeing his closed off eyes, the stonewall back in full force, brought reality crushing against her hard and she snapped.
Their baby was dead. A stupid miscarriage that could happen to anyone changed everything. Sure, they hadn’t exactly planned on a baby, it was one of those things that slipped in without noticed that changed everything, for the better, not worse. Never worse.
Everything had been safe, no sign of the FBI and they had a miracle on the way. To later have it snatched away, without warning, without a chance.
She tugged on the sliding side door, letting the blanket fall on the ground, walking bare foot onto the balcony at their apartment. Between them they’d experience rough moments in their childhoods, and even though it was small, it felt safe, warming, that between them they could just be happy and alright. They had been, until she lost their baby.
The night air was cool, as she sat on a plastic chair that was drenched, she didn’t care her jeans were wet or her small baby blue tank top. Somehow the cold rain numbed her pain, and blended in with her tears.
No matter where he went, he couldn’t run, he couldn’t hide. For a guy as good at escaping his problems, lately he couldn’t get away. It was a fairly good size town and she already had made her mark, made friends, and had blended into her new life. How did he ever get her and contain her? Maria Deluca was a flower blowing in the wind, and catching her was near impossible. How did he do it?
The one night remained stuck in his mind, when she pleaded with him to get married, that they could be happy, and everything would be great. She didn’t realize with him nothing was happy, not for long. But in the heat of the moment, in that fight the result was something too great for words, for six weeks later she informed him he was going to be a father.
A phrase he thought he’d never hear. The way she looked as she said, the way her smile was so big it could burst, and the way she hugged him, her arms around him tightly. She had been ecstatic. Whatever he did to deserve her, this was beyond him. But happiness never survived long in his life, nope someone or something always ripped it out of his grasp leaving the stinging reality on him, he could never be happy.
Now he was staring at their apartment door wondering when does the days turn into weeks, and weeks become months, and months transform into a year. It’d already been a year since he came home from working a late shift to find Maria unconscious and bleeding on the floor. Without a second thought he dialed 911, who knew if the alien pregnancy was the result, or if it exposed them, him.
He didn’t care, he wasn’t losing Maria.
Finding her like that had been miserable, he thought it couldn’t get any worse, he was wrong… again. Sitting next to her, holding her pale, delicate hand as she woke up, the tears instantly filling in her once crystal emerald eyes, for in her heart she knew the answer, probably by his face. But she pleaded, wanting to hear it from his lips.
“The baby, it’s the baby?” And he had to break her carefree heart, by telling her the life she had been ecstatic about was gone, taken from them. He’d seen a lot of harsh things in his life, but her soft cries broke him.
The doctor had made it clear that there were cases when women lost a baby, and there was no fault of the mothers, just the baby not being strong enough, that Maria was perfectly healthy and able to conceive again, and deliver a baby at full term.
So now they fought, nonstop. Sure, they were excellent fighters, both of them, but it was wearing on them. Maybe it was because they couldn’t deal, that they’d hit rock bottom. Maria was persistent, and she wouldn’t let it go. She wanted to try to have another baby, almost like she wanted to replace the one they lost. It’d be a quick fix, and he knew that. Her getting pregnant was not something they planned, and if not for losing their baby, the topic of children would have remained just a topic in the near future.
He believed they shouldn’t rush into parenthood. The first time had been unplanned, now they had time, to sort things out, to see what they wanted.
But all they could do was fight. Constantly, angry words, harsh tones, and Maria’s cries, for she was in pain, and he wouldn’t give her the one thing she wanted. To carry his child. The thought was amazing in and of itself. Why was he fighting her? He wanted it, but he knew it was too soon. The wounds were still deep; losing a child was one of the hardest things Michael ever experienced.
Simply replacing it couldn’t change that, could it?
Maria heard the front door open, he returned. She knew he would, it was just when was the objective. Her legs were Indian style on the chair, but her left knee was raised. The rain had kept a steady rhythm. And when she saw his form in the door’s place she turned.
His jeans tugged at his body and the brown leather reminded her of the one he wore in high school, and when he leaned against the frame, the way his shirt looked tight underneath the leather reminded her of the boy she feel in love with, the Michael she knew, the one her heart couldn’t let go of. The hair wasn’t spiky anymore; nope his brown locks hung low, but not to low.
She looked cold sitting there, her small body in the rain; her pale skin seemed colder, Antarctic. Somehow her emerald eyes held warmth, love. The same eyes he fell for, the girl he couldn’t walk away from.
“You’re going to freeze out here. Why are you just sitting out in the rain?”
She could hear his casualness, she was use to it, but somehow it didn’t change her feelings. For she could still hear the caring tone underneath it, that what he was trying to hide how much he worried about her.
“I like the rain, its calming.”
Michael could see the sincerity in her eyes, the way her lips pressed together as she rested her chin on her left knee. All curled up she looked so beautiful. So angelic.
“But it’s still a storm preparing. How can a storm be calming?”
Maria’s head snapped to look at him. Why did he always see the negativity in life, in the art? He could feel emotion, and a storm, rain helped rinse it, couldn’t he see that. He never could see those things; maybe that was what made them great. They showed each other to view life differently.
“Some of the most beautiful things come out in the rain during a storm,” she said softly, and she turned her head back to the city below them. The night sky with the different colors, preparing for the storm he mentioned. The blues, greens and purples filtered a cross. A lone star stood out, was not stuck behind the clouds.
Michael voice caught in his throat at her words, the look in her eyes, she had been refereeing to the night so long ago he showed up at her window, feeling helpless. He had needed a shoulder to cry on, and she gave him comforting arms, no questions asked.
After a few minutes of silence Maria stood up, slowly coming over to stand in front of Michael, his gaze never leaving her as she crossed her arms, as she placed herself directly in front of him, her in the pouring rain, while he stood on the edge of the apartment, leaning against the frame.
“So are we just going to ignore this fight, or start fighting again, or perhaps just end up in the bedroom, and forget everything?” She then put her hands in her back pockets as she stared at him, impatiently waiting the answer.
Michael’s eyes roamed over small body. “Maria,” he spoke softly. He hated when she took the casual tone with their fights, acting like she wasn’t hurt. When in reality he could see in her eyes she was bleeding.
“No,” She shook her head, quickly stopping him. She hated how he could say her name, make her just want to crawl into his arms and forget everything. “What’s it gonna be this time, Michael? I’m sick and tired of this game, this dance we keep doing. It’s not helping.”
He remained silent, just watching her closely. What was he suppose to say, well let’s roll in the sheets, baby. We’re they suppose to just cuddle and pretend nothing happened? That never worked.
Maria huffed. “Fine. Say nothing, that’s all you ever do anyway.” She turned to stride back out onto the balcony, resting her hand the railing, trying to not let herself cry; thankfully he wouldn’t notice, thanks to the rain.
“What the hell is that suppose to mean?” Michael walked onto the balcony, following her to stand right next to her, trying to see her reaction. “I talk Maria, what am I suppose to say?”
Maria sharply watched him; her eyes were already filling with tears. “You haven’t talked about anything, not what you’re really feeling, unless I fight it out of you. You bottle it up, Michael. You have been ever since…”
Michael saw the way she choked on the part of the sentence. She hated saying it; thinking was all she needed to feel the pain again. “What do you want me to say, Maria? It sucked; talking about it—analyzing it isn’t going to change that.”
“You’re just letting the wound grow deeper,” she whispered. He tried to be so closed off to it, pretend it didn’t eat at him, but in his eyes she could see the pain.
“What about you?” He countered, crossing his arms, getting closer. “Just getting pregnant again isn’t going to help anything either. You can’t replace a baby.”
His tone was cool, at least he was trying, but Maria could see through the mask. “I’m not trying to replace the baby we lost.” Swallowing her tears, she closed her eyes. “Regardless, I want children, Michael. And I wanted to get married, but that was obviously out of the question, so I’m shooting for the thing we had before, if we had it once, why can’t we have it again?”
“Because it was a mistake then, an accident.”
Maria turned harshly at him, her emotions got her. “Why do you have to do that? Why did you have to twist everything around, maybe we didn’t plan it but it sure as hell wasn’t a mistake. Or was it Michael? Were the smiles, the happiness just a facade, huh? Was me losing the baby an opportunity for you to take the next plane out of here and never have to see me again?”
She had been harsh but she didn’t care. She couldn’t take it anymore, hearing him being so closed off—it stung her, it broke what little strength she had. He reached for her; obviously trying to comfort her, her tears were standing out, on her cheek, in her voice, not even the rain could protect her pain now, the wound deep in her heart. “Don’t touch me,” she whispered, flicking him away.
“It wasn’t like that, and you know it.” It was all he could think to say, she was hurting, it was why she lashed out. Could he honestly get angry with her?
“Do I?” She questioned, staring at him. “Do I know this, Michael? I can’t read minds, how am I to know for sure that none of it was a joke, just pretend? How do I know it was real?”
His hand softly cupped her cheek, forcing her eyes to close shut, to enjoy the comfort of him touching her. He was attentive, knowing she was upset. “Maria, come on.”
Her big, emerald eyes opened to look at him, full unshed tears as she raised her hand to rest on top of this. “What if we never get over this, Michael? It’s already been a year, what if in ten years we’re exactly where we started?”
“I don’t know,” Michael whispered she molded against him, resting her head in the middle of his chest, listening to his heart beating, smelling his scent in his clothes, as his hand brushed through her soaking hair. His chin resting on the crown of her head, as her arms tugged tighter to him.
Whispering into his chest she started babbling, “Maybe we will never be okay with it, in our hearts will always grieve for that first child, but maybe it was only meant to show us what we wanted. If having that baby for only that time, maybe it was meant to show us, me what was right?”
“What is that, Maria?” Michael closed his eyes, just listening to her talk. She could babble, but she sounded like herself, hoping, wishing, and loving again.
“Having children, being together, you and me, its right, that’s all I ever need Michael. Just us, seeing their faces, a boy with your eyes and my smile, a little girl with my hair and your nose, hearing the laughter, pitter patter of little feet, Christmas surrounded with love, all we ever needed to be happy.”
She raised her head to look into his eyes, touching his cheek softly, she whispered, “Please Michael, I know your worried, but we’ve waited a year. I don’t want to waste any more time, if I’ve learned anything life is precious, and I’m not willing to waste it.”
“But what if something happens again?” Michael asked softly.
“What if? God Michael, there’s a million things could happen, the doctor said there was nothing wrong, that I’m fine. If we keep holding onto what could happen, what’s the point in living, aren’t we supposed to experience life, not watch it pass us by?”
Michael didn’t say anything else, simply lowered his lips to hers, feeling the passion, the love there. Her small arm wrapped around his neck, dragging him closer to her. She could feel the water dripping down his face, the rain had increased, and it was washing their pain away, letting them start anew. This was a new beginning.
His arm wrapped around her waist. They were dripping wet from the rain was all around them, and all they could do was to continue to kiss, pull each other closer. He moved his hands to her cheeks cupping them, feeling her damp hair against his hands, and her wet skin.
Slowly he started backing her up, heading into their apartment, to protect themselves from the storm, to lie in their warm bed. She started removing clothing, getting his jacket off, and throwing it on the kitchen table as they made their way through the house, kissing, touching the whole way. Her small hands rubbed his back underneath the shirt. His secured around her waist, dragging her lower half closer to his each time they got separated.
He pulled his shirt over his head as Maria undid his belt buckle, and working on the small button, and zipper. He started sliding her soak tank up her body, leaving it discarded on the floor.
Michael found her lips again, his hand resting on top of her hair on her cheek, feeling the electricity in the kiss as Maria’s hands held his hips, starting to rub up and down his naked chest, and back.
Finally sick of the slow wait getting to their room Michael lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist as his mouth continued to ravage her mouth, their tongues sliding into each others, fighting control, exciting their bodies that much more.
He gently set her on the bed, and tugged his wet jeans off, leaving them to pool around his feet as he stepped out of them. And then began removing Maria’s, hers were tight against her slim legs, but he managed, and started getting on top of her, his mouth instantly finding hers as he kissed her lips softly, gently, and her hand gripped the back of his hand, her fingers laced in his hair.
“Michael,” She moaned, her eyes closing as his mouth began sucking on her skin, and venturing to her breast. His left hand was kneading her soft flesh, and his mouth sucking the right breast, and her soft gasp at the contact was all he needed to know he was doing something right.
His hands rubbing over her wet skin, he kissed his way down, finally removing her small piece of silk, he began sucking on her lower lips, feeling the already wetness there, as she moaned loudly. His hand securing her waist, as she barely could sit still.
“Michael, oh my god,” She kept her head lying on the pillow as she swallowed hard, but when Michael slipped two fingers inside her mouth started talking again. “Right there, oh god, Michael.”
He felt her stiffen as the pleasure ripped through her body, his tongue licked her clean as he raised himself back up to her mouth, kissing her, and he could feel her mouth moving slowly. He knew what she was doing, what she was telling him, she wanted slow love making.
Quickly he removed his boxers, and positioned himself at her entrance, in between her legs, his mouth wouldn’t leave hers. He could feel her hands rubbing on his back, pulling him closer as he guided himself into her. Sinking slowly into her he could hear her soft moan as during the brief moments they captured air.
It was amazing. The feeling coursing through him, he’d been with Maria a million times, somehow this held meaning, this time it wasn’t just showing their love to each other. It was making love to create life.
He felt her hips rising against his lower region, as he buried his head in her hair, his mouth kissing her neck, as she whispered in his ear, “I love you.” His thrusts were slow as she met them, passionate, love. That what this time was about, and somehow it made sense what she said earlier.
After eternity of him reentering and thrusting strongly back into her warm body, the line gave out and he was close. “God, Maria. I’m almost there.”
Maria gulped, she wasn’t that close, kissing his cheek, she said, “I need more Michael, just a little, harder.”
Michael raised his head to kiss her on the lips, and dipping his hand in between them to circle around her clit, and soon he felt her muscles clenching and tightening around him causing him to journey down that path with her. Against their mouths, kisses, they were screaming in ecstasy, the moment had been so perfect, so passionate. It was what they needed, love back in their lives.
After the slow kisses on the wave of their high, Maria whispered. “That was amazing, Michael, nothing can beat that.”
Michael smiled against her lips, kissing her again, and then looking in her eyes as he tucked a damp blonde strand behind her ear. “You’re beautiful.”
Maria smiled lovingly at him, kissing his lips gently. “I love you.”
Michael rolled them to their sides as he removed his cock away from her, her head lay on the pillow, her hair lying around her, he kissed her back, stroking her cheek lovingly. “I love you too, I know I never show it enough, but I do love you, more than I can express.”
Maria moved to rest her head on his chest, hearing his heart beating, and his rubbing up and down her back caringly. “I know, and I wouldn’t change you or us, I love everything about you. I know what we lost is indescribable, but I think trying for another one, maybe having a baby will make everything bad disappear, that we can look toward the future, and forget the past.”
Michael kissed her forehead. “Yeah,” she was right. They deserved a chance, and maybe this baby was the start of a new beginning, a fresh start, and a time to be happy and in love. For that was what they were, a happy couple, who were looking forward to having a family.
Who would have thought that, Michael Guerin could find happiness even in a darkened life? Maybe there were a few miracles out there. And the woman lying in his arms was living proof of it.